The Desires of Our Hearts

God wants to give us the desires of our heart.  Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Do you have trouble believing that when you're in the midst of trying circumstances?  Sometimes it won't happen right away.  Sometimes our desires aren't what's best for us.  But what if they are?  God wants us to be happy but He allows us to go through trials to make us stronger Christians and to teach us to rely on Him.

Thursday is my tenth wedding anniversary.  But 13 years ago when I was in the middle of dealing with my husband's midlife crisis, trying to save my marriage, I went with my friend, Sue, to a women's retreat.  It was in February, so the subject was the heart, and one of the sessions was on Psalm 37:4.  The speaker talked a little about what it means to delight in the Lord, and how we can be in tune with His will so that we know our desires are His desires for us.

She asked us to take a piece of paper and think for a minute, then write the desire of our heart on the paper, date it, and put it in our Bibles at Psalm 37:4 and go home and pray that God would give us the desire of our heart.  I did that.

Life went on and eventually I forgot all about it.  But one day the following September, in God's perfect timing, that innocent little piece of paper fell out of my Bible and into my lap.  I opened it and sobbed, begging God to tell me why He didn't give me the desire of my heart.

You see, the paper said, "The desire of my heart is a husband who loves me, and a Christ-centered marriage."  The day I found it was the day my husband filed for divorce.

 

I cried for a long while and then felt God's Spirit nudging me to read the words again.  When I did, I noticed something I hadn't before: nowhere on that piece of paper had I mentioned my husband's name.  My Bible then fell open to a passage I had already underlined in purple ink.  And though I knew the words by heart, I read them again, believing them God's promise to me: 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

It was as if God was saying to me, "I know what the desire of your heart is, and I intend to give it to you but not yet.  Now let go and let Me heal you."

We didn't realize it when we planned our wedding date, but it was exactly 2 years later, on September 1, 2001, that God gave me the desire of my heart.

Sometimes we have to get out from under our circumstances before we can believe God's promises to us are true.  Until we get to that place, though, we need to pray with hope and with faith, believing He knows what is best for us and will not allow us to suffer more than we are able to bear (I Cor. 10:13).

As for me, it turned out He didn't make me wait very long for the desire of my heart and now I'm happily waiting to become a grandmother (twice!) ... it's possible that one of my grandchildren will be born on my anniversary, which would be really neat.

I love you, Peter, desire of my heart.  Happy Anniversary!

Wishing you God's Peace,

Jeanette U

A New Journey

I don't believe in coincidences.  I believe God directs our footsteps and guides us down the path He wishes for us to take.  Sometimes we are in tune with His leading and things run smoothly.  Other times (more often, in my case, I'm embarrassed to say), He has to do something to get our attention when we start moving in our own direction.

Life was sailing along smoothly for me last year when suddenly I was downsized - a victim of a merger between two giant companies, one of which I had given the sweat of my brow for more than a decade.  Okay, Lord, I'm listening ...

Not so coincidentally, more than a decade earlier, just as I was starting that job, I suffered through the greatest trial of my life when my husband of 23 years decided he no longer wanted to be married.  Our kids had graduated from high school and gone off to college and I thought we would settle in and enjoy being empty nesters, but he had other ideas.  Almost as soon as the words "I want a divorce" were out of his mouth, he seemed to change his mind - saying he wasn't sure what he wanted and needed "space" and so we started a life of living under the same roof and interacting on a daily basis without living as husband and wife.  Oh, how I hated that.   While he sat on the fence, I sat in what I still refer to as my "prayer chair" and I took my problems the only place I knew to take them - to God.

From the beginning, I sensed that He would use what I was going through to help others, but I had no idea how.  I just knew I needed to document what I was feeling and thinking and doing, so I started a journal that today fills an entire banker's box.

Time does heal and life went on.  The banker's box went into the proverbial basement of my life where it sat until I lost my job and once again had way too much time on my hands.

I prayed about what to do and felt led to get the journal out and turn it into something God could use to help others.  I'd like to say I wrote a book, but the truth is that He wrote it.  In less than a week I had a prologue, an epilogue and seven chapters written and a lengthy list of resources to include at the end.  I called upon a group of friends and spiritual advisors and asked them to review it and give me feedback.  I put out a few feelers to see if I could get it published, but I ran into some pretty significant roadblocks before I found another job and put it on the back burner.

God waited patiently for me to listen to Him, and eventually He reached out to get my attention and once again I find myself in the ranks of the unemployed.

Meanwhile, I have been reconnecting with old friends.  By that I don't mean that they're OLD ... just that I haven't seen them for a long time.  I have sent copies of my book to several of them and gotten still more feedback.  Everyone seems to agree that there are people who need what's in those pages.  No one really agrees on how to get it into the hands of those who need it.

So yesterday when one of those friends suggested I start a blog, I didn't think too much of the idea.  It seemed like a lot of work and my primary focus has been trying to find a job.

Last night God got my attention again, when He reconnected me with another friend - someone I grew up with and haven't seen since we both got married and moved away more than 30 years ago.  We had become friends on Facebook but hadn't spoken until last night.  I learned that she is suffering pretty much the way I suffered 12 years ago and I sent her my book and my phone number and hopefully I can help her find some comfort and peace in the midst of her storm.

So I'm here and I'm trusting God will tell me what He wants me to say ...  hopefully without needing to pick up the 2x4 and whack me upside the head with it!

If you think Alone With God would be helpful to someone you know, please send me your email address and I'll be happy to send you a copy.  Here are the chapter titles:

1. Resting in God's Arms
2. Listening for God's Voice
3. Trusting in God's Promises
4. Waiting for God's Timing
5. Seeing God Move
6. Imagining God's Purposes
7. Being God's Witness

Wishing you God's Peace,

Jeanette U